OK, so, I’m too lazy to go downstairs and turn on the modem just to write this blog and then have to go all the way back downstairs to turn it off for the night before I go to sleep. So I’m writing it instead in MS Word to then wake up, copy and paste it into the blog. :-D Hey, it’s got pretty good benefits, it auto corrects! So I don’t have to spend all that extra time hitting the shift key or inserting a apostrophe. I mean, that’s a big time saver right there!
Anyway, another even more uneventful day. I’ll skip the mundane and move onto the neat parts. Went to the mall, finally found a rashie (look it up) that was affordable. Came back to the house after getting on one bus and missing my stop so having to get on another one and do the pity me dance so he’d take me to my stop again and let me not have to pay twice, (he was a super nice guy though, so the dance only had to last a second). Went down to Freshwater Beach and the swells were HUGE today! All over really, South Curl Curl and Manly Beaches as well were partially closed down due to such dangerous currents. So I went to the Freshie pool instead. Me and my new rashie swam around and then walked up on the rocks to watch the waves be all huge and powerful (hence the filmstrip image, and yes, it’s really mine. click on it and it makes it bigger.) It was awe-inspiring. It really just takes you to this open state of mind and makes you feel so fragile and small. I love those moments.
I’m in a kind of philosophical mood at the moment but too lazy to have to type out all of my thoughts. *lol*
So I’ll just say that it’s hard when people don’t understand you. I feel like I’ve been trying to fit into someone’s mold of what I should be or how I should act or say or dress for.. oh.. my whole life. It’s hard when you try to explain to someone this matter and discuss it, and they say the key to growing as a person and to learn is to listen, and then you respond and you have like, an hour long conversation, just to realize that they weren’t listening to you hardly at all and they were just saying what they thought was right in relation to what they thought you said or were trying to say. But later you just shake your head in helplessness that you’ve realized if they’d been listening to you, really listening to you, and had been paying attention to how you act and what you do, they’d know that you already knew everything that they were trying to be “helpful” or all life lessony about and that you were smart enough to know these things already. And then come to the conclusion that they probably don’t really care at all.
I think my problem is that I know myself, very well, and I am very intuitive about situations and people, so I know a lot already about human nature and behavior. However, I still have issues portraying that knowledge. I seem to have a continuing problem that people see me and know me and still feel that I’m some innocent, novice that needs to be sat down and taught a lesson about life or given little pearls of wisdom about how the way things are and how the “real world” works. Pretty sure, my whole life I’ve been sold short. It’s just sad to know that that still happens here. In my country of “everything’s perfect and nothing is bad”. Oh well, I knew it was.. I always know. It’s just the affirmation that’s disappointing.
Anyway.. For those of you who truly know me to my core, you’ll know what I’m babbling on about. For those of you who think you know but read this and think “uumm.. huh?” then you don’t really. But again, I think that’s my fault. And those of you who read this and are like “wtf has she been smokin’?” then you know me and you like me but you really don’t (and I’m telling you this truthfully) wanna know me that well. So yeah… and this blog is the example of why I don’t put my thoughts down on paper or type.
Goodnight
~The feeling existential Quasay Australia Backpacker
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